A clean house is a sign of a wasted life

Two things learned today that I already knew. Now I know them even better.

1. Children should be kept on leashes or in cages. If they’re uncivilized little barbarian children, that is. Blood was almost spilled today. Mark my words.
2. Ice cream cures most conditions of the soul.

Three times today, I’ve looked over at the living room window and thought “Oh, it’s raining”, only to realize seconds later that it’s not rain drops on the window, but the spattered brains of a Yule gnome. Long story. And yes, it’s August, and yes, we still haven’t cleaned the windows since December. We’re heathens as well as slobs. Yay for us!

If this is paradise, I've been screwed.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Me. I kill you.