Thursday, June 4, 2009

If I want a rush I just get out of a chair when I'm not expecting it

We saw the one and only Dylan Moran on Monday. It was...bliss. I laughed for ninety minutes. With a pause so Mr Moran could get some more red wine. And he spoke to me.

Not really to me specifically, but about people like me. I'm not quoting him to the letter now, but it went a little something like this:

There's a certain kind of man, around thirty (this is pronounced “tuurty” in Irish), who wears t-shirts meant for children, t-shirts that say “Zap” or “Pow” across the chest, and pants that you're not really sure if they're pants or shorts. What this kind of clothing says is “I don't ever want to get a real job, and I will be drinking milkshakes for the next fifteen years. Fuck off”. These men spend all their time with their friends, playing video games. These men are single. They will remain single. This is why there are so many women who never find the one. He's busy playing video games, drinking milkshakes. And if he ever has children all he has to teach them is how to get past the snakes on level six.

For the record, the night in question I was wearing a Skynet tee and my favorite baggy, long denim shorts. I like milkshakes. I like video games. I'm never having children. Never ever? Never ever ever. Mah Girl theorized that he saw me before the show and only avoided mentioning the beard to spare my feelings.

I have no problem with people seeing me as childish or as someone not capable of contributing to the continuation of the human race. There's too much crap floating around in the gene pool anyway, so why add my own flaws there?

I'm quite happy with who I am, on that level. Childishness is something to be cherished, cultivated, and used. Childishness is joy, and simple joys at that. I mean, come on, if you can't laugh so hard your jaws hurt and tears run down your cheeks at things (like when we play Lego Star Wars, for example), you're dead inside. And who would want to be that?

8 comments:

Anders said...

Maybe that wouldn't have been as funny if you were unemployed and single.
Props to Yah Girl though, for being one of the few that realise that these are actually GOOD traits in a man. Big ups to the milkshake-sippin' gamers of the world!

Martin said...

130% agreement here, obviously.

Seriously, the last paragraph are words I live by. Kudos, and hell yes Dylan Moran is funny.

ege said...

I never heard of Dylan Moran, and I tried to play the video you posted the other day but it got all froze up. Johnny says all his buddies at home think he's a funny bastard. (Moran, that is, not Johnny. Johnny can be funny sometimes, but mostly he's just a plain-old bastard.)

beardonaut said...

Anders: No, it wouldn't. But then again, I'm not. And still, I think I'm secure enough with who I am to have been able to laugh at it either way. And big ups to you, sir.

Martin: Yes. All should live by that.

ege: You should YouTube him. A lot. Moran that is. Not Johnny. I doubt he's on YouTube. Though you might get a lot of hits if you film him, barechested, cutting down shrubbery around The AssVac...

ege said...

Aha, but Johnny is on youtube!

and now I'm slinking off to look up Dylan Moran...

beardonaut said...

Whaddayaknow? And with a beard, no less. Kudos.

Let me know what you think of him. One of our favorite comedians. His tv show from a few years back, Black Books, is great too.

ege said...

He made me laugh, and that's all a girl can ask. I only watched a few because Johnny wasn't home so I decided to save them to watch with him, but I have to ask you this: is he really as drunk as he seems? I'm only watching in 3-minute snips, so I can't tell how much he's had to drink. He seems completely pissed, and yet still in control of his routine...

beardonaut said...

I have no idea. He could be really, really drunk, or he could be faking it. He drinks red wine throughout his shows, but it doesn't seem like enough to get that pissed. He does have a break though, so maybe the hard liquor comes out then...